I loathe Apple. For loads of reasons, but here are a few that spring to mind:

1. They’re pretentious. “There is the Apple, and the rest. We are the world. You’re either with us, or against us.” Oh wait, that sounds like Bush.

2. Steve Jobs isn’t a saviour. He’s a talented guy in a black pullover who simply believes he is the second coming. Unfortunately, he has thousands of sick, doting, puppy-like followers who’d give their first-born just to sniff his navel hair. Add to that, he has piles of cash. And you can buy a lotta following with a lotta dollars.

3. Apple tell you how to use their products, and what you can and can’t do with them. When you can do it. They’ll track your movements, maybe telling you once the media have exposed it, then re-assure you it’s part of the “experience”. Replacing a battery on an iProduct? Tsch-ching goes the Apple cash register. Need one of those filthy alien USB connectors? Tsch-ching.

4. They’re over-priced for what they are. Yes, Steve, we know people are buying “an experience”, but still.

5. They’re not fair. Corporates don’t play fair. Life isn’t fair. That aside, Apple goes out of its way to crush anyone or anything who may at some time in the past, present, or future make something that even resembles an iProduct in the slightest. Sometimes competition is healthy, Steve. Relax man.

6. They don’t put their hand up when they’re wrong. Stevie, there was a problem with the antennas. Just because you say the world is apple-shaped, and your fanboys, er, disciples believe it – doesn’t mean to say it’s true. Fess up, Steve, and move on.

Well, there’re the first six reasons. Probably enough there now without having to drag out the other forty-two. Besides, for every Apple fanboy there’re 10 people who aren’t, and 100 people who don’t care either way.

I would like to conclude with one thing, however – Apple products are so damn cool. And that, Mr. Jobs, will keep you and the other Apple stockholders in black pullovers for many years to come.

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About ohmart

A cartoonist, tinkerer, electronic-er, designer. And left-handed. Right on.

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